Archive for December, 2009
Inspector Morse – Yeah!
December 6th, 2009 | 
Author: Those of you that know me well know that I love auctions. And I have certainly had some good deals and yesterday was no exception. Being English and living in the US I can’t begin to even get across to my American friends just how much I miss the quality of British TV (one of the main reasons I joined Netflix who have a really good selection) and consequently I am always on the lookout for British TV dvds.
The complete set of Inspector Morse mysteries was up for grabs at my local auctioneers (www.mountaineerauctions.com) yesterday. Now this is a 35 disc boxed set issued in the US by PBS. It wasn’t individually listed on their web site so I hadn’t done any research beforehand but I reasoned a set with that many discs had to be at least $150 and so I was prepared to bid accordingly.
To cut a long story short I got the set (in perfect condition by the way) for a paltry $45! I took a quick look online today and it goes for $430.
60 hours of quality viewing and I don’t have to put up with a gung-ho swat team. Marvellous!
Hedgehog Jokes #1
Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.
Q: What’s the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
A: A hedgehog has its pricks on the outside.
Q: Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A; To visit its flatmate.
Q: Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A: To show his girlfriend he had guts!
Q: How do hedgehogs make love?
A: Very, very carefully!
Q: Why couldn’t the hedgehog wash his hair?
A: Because he’d left his head and shoulders on the road.
Q: Who’s faster, Sonic the hedgehog or the world’s fastest train?
A: A train of course, Sonic doesn’t actually exist.
Q: What is a hedgehog’s favorite flavour of crisps? (Chips in the US)
A: Prickled Onion!
Q: What do you call a hedgehog with hot lips?
A: Sonic the Hedge-Snog.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bush and a pig?
A: A hedgehog!
Hillbilly Jokes #2
Q: What does a 13 year old girl from Tennessee say after sex?
A: Git offa me, daddy, you’re crushing my cigarettes!
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.
Q. What’s the definition of a hillbilly virgin?
A. A 12 year old girl who can run faster than her father and brothers.
Q: What’s the difference between a hillbilly wedding and a hillbilly funeral?
A: There’s one less drunk at the funeral.
Q: How do you get a hillbilly out of a bathtub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
Q: How do you tell the bride at a hillbilly wedding?
A: She’s wearing the cleanest shirt.
Q: How do you get a hillbilly out of the tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
Q: What has 99 legs & 49 teeth?
A: The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
Q. How can we tell that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
A. Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a “teethbrush.”
Q: What’s the difference between trash and white trash?
A: Absolutely nothing. They both drive around in dump trucks, smell like shit, and get more and more rotten each day.
Chimpanzee Caught Driving In Florida
Cappy The Driving Chimpanzee!
I was channel hopping the other night (as I often do in the vague hope of finding something watchable – particularly as the TV guide is far from reliable) when I paused briefly at the History channel.
It was a program that seemed to be about wild animals in general being kept in captivity in the US and chimpanzees seemed to be the featured species.
I am not going into the rights and wrongs of keeping wild animals (or the stupidity of the untrained people who do so) as that is not what this blog is about. There have been some absolutely horrific attacks by “pets” in general and chimpanzees in particular in this regard and I think they speak quite eloquently by themselves. Knowing what you are doing and legitimately keep a wild animal is one thing. Not knowing and keeping one because it’s cool is another thing entirely.
What caught my attention was the statement that in December of 1963, Florida police pulled over a car that was being driven by a chimpanzee. Allegedly at 70 mph. The chimpanzee had apparently been trained or taught to drive – I assume as part of an act.
Can you imagine the look on a cop’s face – drawing alongside a speeding car – when he realized it was being driven by a chimpanzee? Priceless!
P.S. Many thanks to Bill who provided this picture of Cappy who is still alive and well.
Posted in Strange | 
Tags: America, animals, chimpanzees, driving, Florida, police, TV | 
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