Bouncing Hedgehog

Archive for May, 2010

An elderly white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.
 
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.”

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” he said.

The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, “By check.  I know you need to make sure my check clears so I’ll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon,” he said.

On Monday morning, the jeweler ‘phoned the old man and said “Sir, there’s no money in that account.”

“I know,” said the old man, “but let me tell you about my weekend!”

The 100 MPH Goat…

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says “Wow, that’s some hole; I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?”

The second hunter says “I don’t know, let’s throw something down and listen, and see how long it takes to hit bottom.”

The first hunter says “There’s this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we’ll throw it in and see”.

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, two and three,and throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge when they hear a rustling in the brush behind them.

As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

“Say there”, says the farmer, “you fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?”

The first hunter says ” Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin’ about a  hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into  this hole here!”

 The old farmer said “Why that’s impossible, I had  him chained to a transmission!”

Sent to me by a friend…

Talking HER diary vs HIS diary

HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.

He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; he said, ‘Nothing.’

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him.

He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior.

I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.

He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.

To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love.

But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep – I cried.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY:

My motorcycle wouldn’t start today, can’t figure it out, but at least I got laid.

Having lived in the US for quite a few years now I am still somewhat bemused at the constant usage of the phrase “All New.” All new? As opposed to what? Partly new? Mostly new? Just a little bit new? New is a perfectly good word in its own right and has a very clear meaning and/or connotation. So when and why did someone think that it need “all” in front of it to get the point across?

I recently received my yearly “give us money” missive from our local fire department. Nothing too unusual there. I am sure that most Americans get similar letters too. This year though, there is an added twist. This year it’s not the usual “we need your help” type letter – it’s a “give us money or else” demand.

“Or else what?” I hear you ask. Well may you ask. My local fire department has now adopted the practice (totally illegal in many states but not West Virginia apparently – of billing anyone who uses their services who hasn’t coughed up the “voluntary” donation.

What a fine shining example of capitalism. Making money out of other people’s misery. And don’t think for one second that if you have insurance and the fire department bills you that they will cover the cost – insurance companies are fighting that one and refusing to pay up. So… if you haven’t met their demands donated to them but you do have insurance it’s probably cheaper to let your house burn.

And what happens if your neighbor calls them out because your house is on fire? Who gets the bill then? Inquiring minds (well.. mine anyway) want to know.

It’s time this iniquitous practice was stamped out nationwide.