Q. Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A. You either need a good partner or a good hand.
Q. How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A. The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q. How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A. The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
Q. What’s a man’s definition of a romantic evening?
Q. What three words do you dread the most while making love?
A. “Honey, I’m home.”
Q. Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A. So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
Q. What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
A. During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?
A. Phone her!
Q. How do you know if you have a high sperm count ?
A. If she has to chew before she can swallow.
Q: What do a condom and a coffin have in common?
A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumming and one is going!
Q. Why is sex like air?
A. It’s no big thing unless you aren’t getting any.
Q. What can a girl put behind her ears to make her sexy?
A. Her feet.
Q: What is the difference between women and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn’t follow you around for two weeks after you put a load into it.
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q. What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A. They don’t have time.
Q. What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
Q. Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.