Author Archive
Winter Wonderland?
January 8th, 2010 | 
Author: Like many people back in December we got hit by a snowstorm which (at least in Clendenin, West Virginia) practically sent us back to the stone age. Just before midnight on Friday December 18 the cable went out. No biggie – the TV schedule sucked anyway. Within the hour the power and the phone followed suit. And that’s where the real fun began.
Fortunately for us we have a log fire and a reasonable supply of logs which meant that we weren’t totally without heat. It wasn’t great – we could get the den up to about 62F – but it was certainly better than the rest of the house which very quickly dropped to 40F. We always have food and water on hand for emergencies and thanks to a camping gas stove we could at least cook after a fashion.
We also have a small radio (also for emergencies) and so we tuned in to try and find out what was happening. There’s half a dozen local stations so we didn’t think that would be too hard. Boy, were we ever wrong. What we needed to know were details of the power outages (and what steps were being taken to repair the downed lines) and whether our area had even been reported as out and of course what Verizon were up to as regards downed phone lines. With the phone out we couldn’t report the power out. Cellphone coverage where we live (a whole 25 miles from the state capital) is non-existent. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in In The News, Miscellaneous, My Day, Thoughts | 
Tags: America, Clendenin, infrastructure, snow, Verizon, weather, West Virginia | 
No Comments »
Inspector Morse – Yeah!
Those of you that know me well know that I love auctions. And I have certainly had some good deals and yesterday was no exception. Being English and living in the US I can’t begin to even get across to my American friends just how much I miss the quality of British TV (one of the main reasons I joined Netflix who have a really good selection) and consequently I am always on the lookout for British TV dvds.
The complete set of Inspector Morse mysteries was up for grabs at my local auctioneers (www.mountaineerauctions.com) yesterday. Now this is a 35 disc boxed set issued in the US by PBS. It wasn’t individually listed on their web site so I hadn’t done any research beforehand but I reasoned a set with that many discs had to be at least $150 and so I was prepared to bid accordingly.
To cut a long story short I got the set (in perfect condition by the way) for a paltry $45! I took a quick look online today and it goes for $430.
60 hours of quality viewing and I don’t have to put up with a gung-ho swat team. Marvellous!
Hedgehog Jokes #1
Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.
Q: What’s the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
A: A hedgehog has its pricks on the outside.
Q: Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A; To visit its flatmate.
Q: Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A: To show his girlfriend he had guts!
Q: How do hedgehogs make love?
A: Very, very carefully!
Q: Why couldn’t the hedgehog wash his hair?
A: Because he’d left his head and shoulders on the road.
Q: Who’s faster, Sonic the hedgehog or the world’s fastest train?
A: A train of course, Sonic doesn’t actually exist.
Q: What is a hedgehog’s favorite flavour of crisps? (Chips in the US)
A: Prickled Onion!
Q: What do you call a hedgehog with hot lips?
A: Sonic the Hedge-Snog.
Q: What do you get when you cross a bush and a pig?
A: A hedgehog!
Hillbilly Jokes #2
Q: What does a 13 year old girl from Tennessee say after sex?
A: Git offa me, daddy, you’re crushing my cigarettes!
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.
Q. What’s the definition of a hillbilly virgin?
A. A 12 year old girl who can run faster than her father and brothers.
Q: What’s the difference between a hillbilly wedding and a hillbilly funeral?
A: There’s one less drunk at the funeral.
Q: How do you get a hillbilly out of a bathtub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
Q: How do you tell the bride at a hillbilly wedding?
A: She’s wearing the cleanest shirt.
Q: How do you get a hillbilly out of the tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
Q: What has 99 legs & 49 teeth?
A: The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
Q. How can we tell that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
A. Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a “teethbrush.”
Q: What’s the difference between trash and white trash?
A: Absolutely nothing. They both drive around in dump trucks, smell like shit, and get more and more rotten each day.
Chimpanzee Caught Driving In Florida
Cappy The Driving Chimpanzee!
I was channel hopping the other night (as I often do in the vague hope of finding something watchable – particularly as the TV guide is far from reliable) when I paused briefly at the History channel.
It was a program that seemed to be about wild animals in general being kept in captivity in the US and chimpanzees seemed to be the featured species.
I am not going into the rights and wrongs of keeping wild animals (or the stupidity of the untrained people who do so) as that is not what this blog is about. There have been some absolutely horrific attacks by “pets” in general and chimpanzees in particular in this regard and I think they speak quite eloquently by themselves. Knowing what you are doing and legitimately keep a wild animal is one thing. Not knowing and keeping one because it’s cool is another thing entirely.
What caught my attention was the statement that in December of 1963, Florida police pulled over a car that was being driven by a chimpanzee. Allegedly at 70 mph. The chimpanzee had apparently been trained or taught to drive – I assume as part of an act.
Can you imagine the look on a cop’s face – drawing alongside a speeding car – when he realized it was being driven by a chimpanzee? Priceless!
P.S. Many thanks to Bill who provided this picture of Cappy who is still alive and well.
Posted in Strange |
Tags: America, animals, chimpanzees, driving, Florida, police, TV |
22 Comments »
Man In 23 Year Coma Was Awake The Whole Time
There have been many programs on TV over the years that have dealt with accident victims who have fallen into a coma and have subsequently been diagnosed as being in a persistent vegetative state. Some of these programs have been fictional, some have been factual.
I have always been somewhat pertubed by the willingness of some to “end their suffering” as there’s “no hope of recovery.” I wonder just whose suffering is actually being referred to. I am even more perturbed when organ harvesting is being touted by the doctors.
I was surprised this morning to read about the case of a Belgian man – Ron Houben – who spent 23 years in a so-called persistent vegetative state after having been paralysed in a car crash in 1983. Apparently he was aware of everything going on around him the whole time. Can you imagine that? The frustration? The pain? Being aware and not being able to communicate? Read the rest of this entry »
Basic Benefits For Workers Around The World
I was interested to read on Reuters (a source of real news unlike what passes for news in the US) the results of an eight year study that compared workers’ benefits around the world. The fifteen most competitive countries in the world over the last decade (as ranked by the World Economic Forum) are Australia, Austria, Canada, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Iceland, Japan, Netherlands, Norway, Singapore, Sweden, Switzerland, Britain and the United States.
Out of those 15, 14 mandate paid sick leave, 13 guarantee paid maternal leave, and 12 provide paid paternal leave. And these rights are guaranteed by law. A further 11 also provide paid leave to care for sick children and 8 provide paid leave to care for adult family members.
Looking at slightly less competitive countries the report found that out of 190 countries, 163 guaranteed paid sick leave and 164 guarantee paid annual leave. 177 guaranteed paid maternal leave and 74 guaranteed paid paternal leave. 157 countries guarantee workers a day of rest each week. Read the rest of this entry »
Sex Jokes #1
Q. Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A. You either need a good partner or a good hand.
Q. How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A. The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q. How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A. The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
Q. What’s a man’s definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.
Q. What three words do you dread the most while making love?
A. “Honey, I’m home.”
Q. Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A. So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
Q. What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
A. During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?
A. Phone her!
Q. How do you know if you have a high sperm count ?
A. If she has to chew before she can swallow.
Q: What do a condom and a coffin have in common?
A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumming and one is going! Read the rest of this entry »
Palin Says Presidency “Not On My Radar Screen”
My first thought was: God does exist.
My second thought was: Do I trust a politician to tell the truth?
Bugger! 2012 is going to be a bitch.
Hooray For The FDA!
A headline caught my eye today about the FDA. Apparently they are targeting companies that market energy drinks that combine alcohol and caffeine and have given companies that market them 30 days to prove they are safe.
Per the FDA’s press release:
“Under the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, a substance added intentionally to food (such as caffeine in alcoholic beverages) is deemed “unsafe” and is unlawful unless its particular use has been approved by FDA regulation, the substance is subject to a prior sanction, or the substance is Generally Recognized As Safe (GRAS).”
Now personally I wouldn’t buy any of these energy drinks. I don’t need them and I doubt you do either.
The FDA obviously has our best interests at heart. Doesn’t it make you feel safer to know they’re being so vigilant on our behalf?
It’s just a thought but don’t you think they’d be better off (and we’d be safer) targeting stuff that lists such side effects as lymphoma and death and getting the companies that market them to prove that they are safe instead?